The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
