This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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