There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
