Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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