My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
