Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
