no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
