nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
