i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There r osticjed everywhere
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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