It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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