3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
