Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
