At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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