Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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