So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
