you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
