When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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