Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
pray to the hookup gods
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
