when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have aggressive nipples.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
