They should really pass out barf bags in church
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
