I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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