When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Everyone says I win the strip club
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
