LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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