I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
