hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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