Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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