I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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