Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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