I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
