just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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