who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
