I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
