we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
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Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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