honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
