ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
