My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
