oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
