Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
