So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
