I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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