It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
