i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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