ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
