I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
