my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
