She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
