Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
