The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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