at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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