I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
