woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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