the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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