will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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