did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
