So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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