About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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