I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
