when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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