So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
