Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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