we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
