for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
