Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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