I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
