how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
