wanna go halves on a baby?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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